Practical writing for whatever stage you're leading from.

Grab that coffee again. This one's about why the first few months in a leadership role carry more weight than they probably should — and why that's not fair, but it's true anyway.

Maybe it shows up as replaying a meeting in your head after everyone's logged off, or rereading an email three times before you hit send. That unease is normal, and there's a reason for it.

This used to bug me until I read the research behind it: people are already deciding what kind of leader you are long before you've had a real chance to prove it. There's a well-known study where researchers showed people just thirty seconds of a professor teaching (no sound, just body language) and asked them to predict how that professor would be rated by students at the end of the entire semester. They got it right. Thirty seconds predicted a whole semester.

That's not a fluke, it's just how people are wired. We form snap judgments almost instantly, then spend surprisingly little energy revising them, even when the evidence in front of us says we should. Psychologists call it the primacy effect: whatever lands first gets more weight than everything that comes after, because it becomes the lens the rest gets filtered through.

So when your team is sizing you up in week two, they're not being unfair. They're doing what every human brain does automatically, which means the stakes on those early weeks are higher than they feel in the moment. You're not just doing the job yet. You're writing the story people will use to interpret everything you do after.

There's a Gallup number that's stuck with me for years. Across a study of 2.7 million employees, manager quality alone accounted for roughly 70% of the difference in how engaged a team was — more than pay, more than policy, more than the industry itself.

In a very real way, you're the actual job for the people who report to you right now, more than the paycheck, more than whatever's written on the careers page.

Something else in the research surprised me: trust with a new team doesn't build slowly and steadily like most people assume. Researchers at Washington University tracked how trust in new leaders actually moved over time, and the early weeks turned out to be by far the most volatile stretch, more sensitive to change than any period that comes later. What shaped where it landed wasn't only what leaders did; it was what the team expected going in. Come in promising a lot and under-deliver, and trust tends to slide fast. Come in with less noise and just steadily show up, and it tends to climb.

None of this means you need everything figured out by day fourteen. It means the small, repeatable things you're doing right now, how you run a one-on-one, whether you actually follow through on the small thing you said you'd handle, matter more than they will later. They're the raw material people are using to build their read of you.

There's a reason those patterns are hard to shake once they set, too. Research on habit formation shows repeated behavior gradually shifts from effortful, conscious choice into something closer to automatic, not in three weeks like the old myth claims, but over a much longer stretch, sometimes months. Whatever you're doing on repeat right now, good or not, is quietly becoming your default. The version of "leader" you're practicing today is the one that's going to feel natural six months from now, unless you're deliberate about changing it.

So if you're ninety days in and it feels heavier than it should for someone still this new, it is heavier. That's not you being dramatic. The early window really does carry outsized weight, for reasons that have nothing to do with fairness and everything to do with how people's brains work.

The good news: this was never about getting a hundred things right. Run your one-on-ones the same way, every time. Actually follow through on the small stuff you said you'd handle; people notice that more than you'd think. Ask more than you tell, at least for now. Nothing here is dramatic. It's just the kind of thing that compounds, because right now, everything does.

Grab a coffee. There's something about this stage nobody really tells you about.

You got the promotion — maybe you fought for it, maybe it landed on you when someone above you left and you were just the next obvious name in the room. Either way, your first few weeks looked exactly like what got you here. You worked hard, stayed late, made sure nothing fell through the cracks. Same as always.

Then, somewhere around week six, something felt off. You're busier than you've ever been in your life, and if someone asked what you actually led this month, you'd struggle to answer. You wrote the reports and fixed the client's problem again at 9pm. Everyone still comes to you when something breaks — that part hasn't changed at all. You just have a new title attached to the same old habits.

I hear a version of this from almost every new leader I work with, usually a month or two in, usually said a little embarrassingly, like they think they're the only one who hasn't figured it out yet.

They're not. Not even close.

There's a study out of the Center for Creative Leadership that followed close to 300 first-time managers, and when researchers asked what tripped people up most, it wasn't strategy or budgets or conflict. It was something more basic — figuring out what authority even means once your hands are off the actual work. Almost 60% named that as their single biggest struggle. And separately, almost that same number said nobody trained them for it at all. You were just supposed to know.

So if you feel like you're making this up as you go, you are. So is everyone else who's ever sat where you're sitting.

Here's what I've noticed coaching people through this part: the urge to keep doing everything yourself usually isn't laziness, and it's not really a control thing either. Honestly, it's usually the opposite. You care and you're good at the work. Handing it off feels like watering something down.

Marshall Goldsmith, who's spent decades coaching executives at the top of their fields, came up with a name for this in his own work: "adding too much value." He found that when a leader steps in to improve someone's work, even just a little, that person's sense of ownership over it can drop by half. You may gain a slightly better version of the thing, but you lose the part that makes a team run without you standing over it.

Think about the last time you rewrote someone's email instead of just telling them what was off. Or grabbed the client call back because, honestly, it would just be faster if you did it. It probably was faster. It usually is, in the moment, but the problem shows up later, when you're still the only person who can handle that account six months from now.

There's a cost to this that's easy to miss, because it's quiet. Gallup has a stat that stuck with me the first time I read it: people who feel micromanaged are three times more likely to mentally check out at work. Not quit, just stop bringing their best thinking to you, because they've figured out you're going to redo it anyway. So why bother.

None of this changes because you decide to care less or try harder. It changes when the question you ask yourself shifts from "what did I get done today," to "what did I make possible for somebody else today." It's a small thing, but it changes more than you'd expect.

If you want somewhere to start, pick one thing this week you'd normally just handle yourself. Hand it off, tell them the outcome you're after and why it matters, and let it look different than it would have if you'd done it. It'll feel wrong at first, but do it anyway.

Also, watch for the moment you're about to jump into someone's work "to help." That's usually your cue to ask a question instead of giving an answer.

And pay attention to what you're actually proud of on a Friday. If it's still "I got X done," that's worth noticing. If it's "so-and-so worked through something hard without me," that's the job starting to change shape.

This isn't a flaw you're fixing; it's a skill you're trying to develop, and skills come from reps, not from trying harder at the thing that used to work. Every leader I've watched make this shift well didn't grind their way through it — they just started paying attention to something different.

You already know how to do the job you were doing before. This one's different, and it's fine that it doesn't feel natural yet. Give it time.

I'll post more soon on how to have that first handoff conversation without it turning awkward.